The human mind thrives on certainty, on knowing that some things are true and will always be true and there’s nothing you and I can do about it. This is both good and bad news, because it means that we will defend certain ideas to the end of the world. Our loyalty to our beliefs helps us thrive in social groups or get through difficult things when we know there is a cause to fight for. However, this same certainty can backfire when it becomes attached to beliefs that might be holding us back in life. “I will never amount to anything”, “My life will never get better”. Many people fail to see that such recurring thoughts have also become entrenched beliefs that they will defend against all evidence. It no longer matters what anyone else thinks or what proof you find that refutes these beliefs, they stand strong against any logic.

Additionally, we live in a world that does not deal in absolutes. As much as we want the black and white of our beliefs to hold true in every context, this is rarely how the situation pans out. This puts us in a complicated situation.

From philosophy to practice

The concept of dialectics asks us to step out of our deeply human tendency to defend our own beliefs for just a little while. Rooted in ancient Greek philosophy, a dialectic was referred to as the dialogue between an argument, or thesis, and a counter-argument, or antithesis. The idea was that in order to get close to the truth, all sides of the story should be properly heard. This could lead to one of three possible outcomes: either one of the two sides would be crowned a clear winner, or the seemingly contradictory ideas would be assimilated, or if nothing else, the argument would become more rich and detailed than it had been before.

Many great thinkers have adopted dialectical philosophy to form their own ideas, but the question is: How does this fit into our lives?

Dialectics in everyday life

Dialectical thinking requires us to do something radical and hold two opposing ideas in mind at the same time, to even argue for the opposite of what we believe to be true. The underlying assumption is that the truth we seek is most likely to be found somewhere in between the spectrum of these two ideas. This does not mean that any thought or belief needs to be eradicated for us to make progress, but that we can open ourselves up to the merit in the counter-argument as well. For example, one can believe that they are doing their best AND that they can do better. On the surface, it sounds as if doing your best would eliminate the possibility to do any better. However, dialectical statements such as this one open the mind up to a reality that had not been previously considered. Maybe it is possible to be doing your best and still have the capacity to do better, since what is considered your best also fluctuates over time.

A dialectic that can perhaps save a relationship is “I love you and I am angry about what you did”. This kind of perspective serves as a reminder to the offender that the conflict they may be about to get into should not sever the bond they share, however it is also necessary to address the anger and hurt that the affected person is currently dealing with. It is a bid to work on the problem together and stay secure in the relationship while also voicing and validating their own feelings instead of pushing them under the rug.

Acceptance and change in DBT

In the field of mental health, Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) was designed around the core dialectic of acceptance versus change. The acceptance part of the dialectic entails embracing everything that is in the moment including thoughts, emotions and all other aspects of the current situation, while suspending our judgment. This does not mean that we have to approve of the moment or that we have to like it, but instead we acknowledge that fighting against our own reality will only lead to more distress. On the other hand, the change part of the dialectic helps us to see where we actually have the autonomy to make a difference in our situation. We are reminded of everything we can do to ameliorate our situation, that even small changes add up over time. Balancing acceptance with change helps us place our energies in the right place instead of struggling against the current. DBT makes use of many such dialectical principles to help soften rigid thinking patterns and lead more balanced lives.

In the spirit of staying dialectical, it is important to admit that there are some cases where we need not practice finding the middle path or being dialectical. Certain activities and habits may be so destructive or obviously negative that we have to take a strong abstinent stance against them instead of trying to see the silver lining.

Everything in moderation, including moderation.